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LPC Medley 1
Ringing Hello? Hi. It's Jackson. I'm calling about a painting job that's coming up. I-- I-- This is not a business. My last name is Painter. Just the same. It's, uh, next weekend and... we do pay everybody a stipend. I-- I-- I'm not-- I-- I-- I have two jobs-- Uhhhhh. --and I just don't have time to do that. Uhhh. up ---------- Ringing Hello? Hi. It's Jackson. Jackson, -- Y--''' --you take this number off your list. Do not call me again. ''Wha- wha- wha-'' Ever. ''We'd like to count on you.'' We'd love to count on you next weekend.' ''up ---------- Ringing FX Uh, it's Jackson miss. I'm just tryin'--''' Jackson. If you call me again-- ''Nooooooo.'' --I'm gonna call the law and tell 'em you're harassing me. Have you got that? ''Nooo nooo.'' Uh, uh, yes yes. 'W-- I'm a--' Do not call me again. That clear? '''This is Jackson. I'm trying to talk to you about painting, Ms. Painter. And I'm trying to tell you that you're harassin' me-- Whaaaaaaaaa --and I don't want to talk to you. And I will call the law. It's f--f--f--'' ''It's for the good of the community. up ---------- Ringing Hello? Awww, don't ya see'', Mrs. Painter? Can't ya see? Wh-a-a-a-a-a-a-a- ''We're singing you up for TWO hours next Saturday. Okay?' No, you're not signing me up for anything. What is your last name, and who are you with, and you give me a phone number-- '''''Wha-wha-wha-wha --And I'll call you back. How's that? It's for the community betterment, ma'am. ''' It's-- ''Can't ya see?'' Nuh-uh. It's not for the community betterment. You're doin' something here. ''Ahh don't ya see?'' I'm gonna call the phone company and then I'm gonna call the law. Okay? ''AWWW CAN'T YA SEE-EE-EE what you've been doin' to the community?' You know what? I can see what you're doin' to me. And I don't know who you are and I don't know what this is about but I don't think this is right. It's p--''' ''Do not ever call this--'' ''AW--'' --''number--'' ''AWW CAN'T YA SEE?'' ''--again.'' ''Don't ya see-ee-ee-ee?'' This is stupid. 'Lady--' up -------------------------------------------------------------------------- '''Hey Don, what's goin' on? Ringing Hi. Hey Don, what's goin' on? Yeah. Who's this? What's goin' on? This's Jackson. Who's Jackson? Uhhhhh, I need a writer. A writer? I don't... Hey Don! Who are you? What is this? I'm Jackson. I need a writer. A writer? A writer ''yeah-yeah-yeah a writer-a writer-a writer yeah-yeah. ''I got you in mind. Hey Don! Right? Chuckling This is-- This is a very strange phone call. I got you in mind. Yeah, how'd-- how'd you get this number? From KCET. KCET? Public TV. Yeah, I know. I know what it is. Hey Don! C'mon! Who are you, though? This is... reeaally weird. I used to work for Rubbermaid. Trashcans and paper bags and plastic bags... Laughing I wonder who the hell this is! Wha- I- Hey Don, what's goin' on? Right? Hey-- Hey Jackson, what's goin' on? I need a writer. Yeah. Laughing I can't figure out who the heck you are. I got a--''' Let me give you one of my associates. '''FX Talk to my associate for a minute. (His associate is now speaking) Hello? Hi. Uh-huh? Uh-huh. Who are you? I'm with KCET. (Original speaker in the background laughing) Haha. KCET. KCET? (Original speaker) Television station. Television station. Ohhh! So... Where is Don? ''' Who? '''Does he even know what's ''goin' on - goin' on - goin' on - goin' oon - goin' ooon - goin' oooon - going ooooooon - ooon - ooon?'' Laughing That sounds like a-- Sounds like institution?. Hollywood has institution?. We-- we-- we walk through there. Can you ask Don what's goin' on -- ''Can you ask Don what's goin' on -- What's goin' on -- What's goin' on -- What's goin' on -- What's goin' on? ''You know what's goin' on? Hey Don! That-- That-- That sounds like a movie. That's like a movie. Sounds... Uh, wha-- Chuckle Ah, huh huh movie. This is uh-- This is a sounds like watch a movie. I'm on channel six right now -- ''channel six right now -- I'm on channel six. ''I got a telethon for Don to... figure out what's goin' on. on the other end laugh Uhhhh. You make-- You make-- And I appreciate you. FX Laughing You-- You-- laughter You-- You-- You make happy-- happy Sunday morning. Chuckling It's a telethon for Don. YAAAAAAAA-YAAAA-aha-aha-aha-aha-aha-aha. laugh This is so happy! Uhhh. How can you make it? Uhh, funny. Well, you tell Don that I'm... move along. up -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ringing Hello? Yeah. Hi. Hi. Uhh, this is Monty up at Sears Roebuck. At where? Sears. Okay. You here''-ere-ere-ere''? And we got a real big promotion this weekend comin' up on, uh, all our bathtubs and wash basins. Okay. Soooo, why don't you come up and... try 'em out, get cleaned off, and check it out. You know where I am? Well, we'd love to count on ya. We've got locations in Burbank and Glendale and here and there and everywhere else. I'm-- I'm in Dana Point and-- Wwwwwaaaaaaa. '' --the closest one to me is in San Clemente. ''WAAAAAA! I'll go to the one in San Clemente. That sounds good. ''' Thank you. '''And we'll get up there, we'll wash you off, and we'll scrub ya down. Okay? What time are ya lookin' at? Umm. Two o'clock? Two o'clock on Saturday. Real good. Uhh, I'm Monty. I'll be there. I'm unna inspect ya up and down, head to foot. Wash ya off. Sound good? Yes. Okay. Yes. Uhhh, and you're gonna be in San Clemente, so that means I need a little gas money... to meet ya out there. I'm your-- I'm your sales rep. Any way you could--''' Okay... '''Any way you could Paypal me some gas money... before Saturday? What!? How did you get my telephone number?! Just so I can meet you on time. I wanna be on time. You know, I don't wanna be late. How can you... ?! Do you know who you're calling? Of cour-our-our-our-ourse. Who are you calling?! I'm Monty at Sears Roebuck. We're gonna wash ya off... Do you know who you're calling, Monty?! Yeah. Course I do. Course I do. And who's this? Uh, I'm Monty at Sears Roebuck. Who are you speaking to, Monty?! Ma'am, we're gonna bathe ya. We're gonna take care of ya. We're gonna treat ya right. What?! I think you have the wrong number! up No-no-no-no-no-no. up ------------- Ringing WHAT?! Hi. This is Monty. Monty at Sears? Yeah. Right. I don-- I don't shop at Sears-- Uh-uh-uh-uh.' '' --anymore ever since they merged with K-Mart. Absolutely not. '''Big, big discounts.' Big deal. Won't happen. Nope. Don't care. Not gonna happen. I won't be there. Just take my e-mail address, send me a small deposit... You should live so long-- FX --I'm gonna give you my e-mail address. up ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Ringing RocknSocks. This is Misty. Hi. This is Hubbard. I... was looking for, uuummmm, a pair of Rug Munchkins. In thirteen and a half. Sorry? It's the style name. Rug Munchkins... Are you-- You're-- FX Chuckling What? Who-- Who is this and what are you calling-- What are you looking for? Footwear. My name's Hubbard. Hubbard? And you're looking for socks? Umm, we carry RocknSocks. FX Can I get outfitted in some of those, er... ? RocknSocks? Sure. Thirteen and a half, fourteen, fourteen and a half. Is that your shoe size? Yeah. My sock size. Your sock size. FX So, uh, do--''' Can't-- --'''you do quarter-sized increments at all? Noooo. We-- We carry, um, some socks that would fit you. They probably will be a bit on the small side. Be mindful of that. ''So-'' Ummm-- '''''It's because my feet are so big, right? ''Because my feet are so big, ''is what you're saying? Yes. Uh, so I'll be mindful of that. Don't you worry. Now what about--''' Okay. '''--the Rug Munchkin thing. Rug Munchkin. I've never heard of that before. FX I have no idea what you're talking about. It's very fuzzy. Very fuzzy style.'' Like to slip 'em on.' (Second speaker) Oh, that's cool. Yeah, no. '''Uh-- Th--' Our socks are just regular-- regular thin striped socks. What if I wanted to see it before I buy it? Can I just try it on? I heard about the Rug Munchkin. I'm not sure if it's the style for me, but--' '' '''FX Your-- Your reception is really strange. I'm having a very difficult time hearing you. We will be exhibiting in San Francisco-- FX --on Sunday, September 18th. '''''I'm gonna go to the Wharf. You guys recycle, right? I can't-- We use recycled materials, yes. FX Yes. Umm, I-- I'm sorry. I can't understand you. Every other thing you're saying is garbled and weird to me and I'm not quite sure what you're wanting. Just slip some socks on my feet and then we'll be good to go. What was that? FX That's not what we're looking for here. What are you-- What are you looking for? I'm-- I mean what did you think we were looking for? Give me a-- Give me a chance here. I'm delightful. I'm gonna delight everybody. ''FX'' What is up with your phone!? You're not the police. What? up ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Ringing Hello? Hiiii. My name's Stanley. I got your number from a neighbor. Uhh...' Yeah? Yeah. I-- I think I lost a hubcap up there in-- by your house and, uh, wanted--''' Wait a second. Who are you calling? Let's see if you got the right person. ''Yeeaah''. I, uh, uh, I got a Daihatsu, uh, was driving by and the hubcap flew clean off of my car--''' Yeah, but where was this located? Where-- What address and what city? Oh gosh, uhhh, I'm real bad--''' Just give me the city. 'Yeah. I'm real bad. So--' Well what city were you in? What area? '''Well, I live in Monrovia, so... Well, see, I-- I'm not in Monrovia. I'm in, uh uh uh-- I''' 'didn't say you were. But I was drivin' around there--' Okay. But you said Monrovia, though. I'm not in Monrovia. I'm-- 'I didn't say you were. You asked me where do I live, I said I'm--' Okay. No. That's okay. That's alright. Go on and tell me more about it. 'So I'm driving down the street--' Do you have the address-- ''YAAAAA-A-A-A-A-A-a-a-a-a-a. --where you lost the hubcap? So I'm drivin' down the road, a car drives by and, uh, there was a slight collision. Yeah? And the hubcap shoots off my car, ricochets of their car... Oh. FX ' '''And then the next thing I know, I'm without a hubcap. I come--' Ohhh, I'll be darned. '''Yeah. Yeah. And then it turns out your neighbor was--''' How-- '''--standing outside, and-- and they gave me your number and said 'Give him a call and he'll-- he'll go out there and fish it out for me." Who was the person you talked to? FX ''' '''Uh, Simmons I think. Was he driving a bicycle? YEEESSS. Yeeaah. It's a four hundred dollar hubcap, fella. Well, I don't know what I can do. I-- I'm-- I'm upset that you have a lost hubcap like that. That's too bad. Uhhhhh... You know what a hubcap looks like, right? Sure. I-- I know all about hubcaps. Some of them are very expensive. I-- I'm-- I'm-- I'm certainly on your side. Try four hundred and fifty dollars! Do you have insurance? FX Uhhh, no. But don't turn me in. FX Well, I'm not turning anybody in. I just said if you had insurance you'd be better... FX I don't know that there's anything I can do for me to-- Hey. Hey.'' ''You never know. You might find somethin'. --be able to help you. This-- This is something I can't do. Maybe you could help reimburse me. I mean it's your property. It's my property? Or maybe we could split the difference. Well what's-- What-- What do I have to do with the hubcap? I wasn't there. Two hundred and twenty-five dollars. Well, I mean what are you telling-- Two hundred dollars and twenty-five dollars. --me that I owe anybody or I should give you-- It's your property. -- or whatever. Two hundred and twenty-five dollars for what? What did I do-- Your property. Twoooo words.' --that requires me for making good faith as if I was some kinda angel-- '''''It's your property. --or something like that to pay you two hundred and twenty-five bucks! It's your property. End of story.'' ''IT'S YOUR PROPERTY! It's not my property, sir! IT'S YOUR PROPERTY! It's not my property! I don't know what you're talking about! I don't live in a house! Give me a hand! I live in a house. This is a valuable hubcap, dude. Well listen, I'm gonna sign off. Sorry. It's not my property. I'm gonna get my hubcap back or you're gonna cut me a check! You got it? No! I don't got it at all! You're gonna cut me a check! I'm not gonna do either one. I'm-- I'm gonna tell you good bye! You're gonna cut me a check! You've got the wrong guy and I'm signing off. So goodbye! up Category:Medleys Category:Do you have...